Get My Cigarettes
by Sophia Hawkins
Summary: Follows the finale "Born Into Bad News". Voight knows it'll take something drastic to get Erin away from her mother before any more damage is done. The question is what?
1. Chapter 1

Get My Cigarettes

A/N: Okay so I know next month Chicago P.D.'s going to come back with a new season and then we'll actually get to see what happens with Erin, but I decided to take my own approach to the situation following the season finale, strictly for personal satisfaction and I hope everyone else enjoys it as well. Please read and review.

Disclaimer: Standard disclaimers apply, don't own, don't sue.

Trudy Platt's hand absentmindedly reached for the button to buzz upstairs, then at the last minute she pulled it back and remembered there wasn't anyone upstairs _to_ buzz anymore. Nobody to buzz and make small talk by the fat box with, nobody to help up the police department's own corporate ladder to actually being an officer, it _sucked_. On her way in that morning she'd paid the memorial wall a visit and stopped at Nadia's stone, she would've thought by now she'd start remembering that Nadia wasn't working upstairs anymore. It didn't seem to make any difference, it was no secret they'd all had their experiences in losing their own people, that's why the memorial wall was so big, but all the times it had happened before, _nothing_ could make the grieving process _this_ time any easier, and Trudy knew it.

The obvious loss to their house aside, things were slowly getting back to normal, _slowly_ , it had been days since Trudy even felt like hassling Roman and Burgess, even now she had the slightest of inklings to give them hell about something, but she just didn't have it in her yet.

The sight of Voight entering the station grabbed Trudy's attention, as did what happened next. Without a word to anybody, Voight walked past the other officers, right past the front desk, and headed for the stairs. To anybody who didn't know Voight, nobody would've given the sight much thought. But Trudy _knew_ something was wrong. Even without Voight uttering so much as a single syllable, and with a largely unreadable expression on his face, there was just something about the way he came in and the way he moved, that Trudy got a _jolting_ vibe off of him that something was sorely wrong. Trudy had worked there long enough to know that Voight never, or at least not without good reason, _ever_ exploded at his own men, and yet she had the distinctive feeling if he were to say _anything_ to her in this instance, even _she_ would be scared of him. Still, this didn't stop her from leaving her desk and following after him.

"Hank!" she called to the Sergeant as she caught up with him halfway up the stairs.

Voight turned and looked at the desk sergeant who stood a few steps below him and in what would ordinarily pass for his usual demeanor, asked her, "What is it, Trudy?"

"Hank, what's wrong?" she asked him.

Voight was good to keep a stone poker face that you couldn't ever tell what he was thinking, but now even that betrayed him slightly, it was obvious that he wasn't expecting that, but he quickly recovered and asked her, "What do you mean?"

"Come on, Hank, I _know_ you," Trudy told him, "What is it?"

Voight looked to the side as if he wanted to make sure no one was listening, and he started to come back down the stairs, he passed her and murmured so only she could hear him, "Not here."

Trudy followed Voight to the locker room where it would just be the two of them. Voight locked the door so nobody could come in, and on his way back to Trudy, he hit a couple of the lockers in passing and kicked another for good measure. Before Trudy could ask him anything, he told her as he circled her, "Bunny's got her hooks back into Erin."

"What?" Trudy asked him.

Voight stopped pacing and told her, "I went to pick her up for work, and she is determined to stay with that stupid bitch and the lowlife company she keeps. She's fallen back on her old habits, she is hooked to whatever bottle she can get her hands on and that bitch who calls herself a 'mother' is handing them all to her."

"Aw Hank," Trudy shook her head, "I am so sorry."

Hank took two steps to the side and punched another locker.

"That's what you ought to do to Bunny," Trudy told him.

Voight ignored his busted knuckles and shook his head, "She knows _just_ what she has to do to keep a hold over Erin, and it's working. She's using Erin's own grief over Nadia's murder to keep her hooked. She's going to _ruin_ that girl just so she can lord it over me that she's got her back on her side and play the half assed attempt of a loving mother. It's a game for that psychopathic woman, it's a game and Erin's her pawn to play as she chooses."

Trudy took this all in and said to Hank, "I can't believe Erin would just forget about everything you've done for her, Hank, she has to remember that you were always there for her when Bunny wasn't."

"If she ever got a chance to sober up and stay that way, _maybe_ ," Voight replied, "But Bunny's going to do everything in her power to make sure that _doesn't_ happen."

"Okay…" Trudy folded her arms against her chest and thought about it for a few seconds and told Hank, "Okay, so we haul Erin in, put her in a cell long enough for her system to detox, when she's clean again…"

Voight shook his head, "No, we're not going to do that."

"We can make it official," Trudy said, "We could raid Bunny's place on suspicion of…anything really, haul in everyone, keep Erin separated from the rest." Voight continued to shake his head, Trudy told him, "I know she's like your daughter, Voight, and _no_ parent wants to have their daughter locked up, let alone to actually do it themselves, but it would be for her own good and…"

"No, Trudy," Voight told her, "We do that, until she finally dried out, Bunny would still win, she'd see us as the bad guys and it might be enough to drive her back there even _after_ she sobered up."

"Okay then," Trudy thought again, "We can still raid the bar and just haul Bunny in. We keep her locked up long enough for Erin to dry out, we get Erin into a detox clinic…"

Voight shook his head again.

"Voight, help me out here," she said to him, "I'm willing to help you in any way, but we need a plan to make it work."

For being the man who always had the plan, Voight looked genuinely lost on this one, so much so he had to rely on gesturing with his hands to help drive his point home as he told his desk sergeant, "Trudy, we are not going to do _anything_."

"What?" Trudy couldn't believe her ears.

"If Erin's going to come back, it's going to have to be of her own volition," Voight told her, and sighed, and added, "She's going to have to make the first move, _she_ is going to have to wake up and remember what Bunny did."

Instinctively Trudy _knew_ Voight was right but all the same she just had to get the point across, "As long as she has Bunny manipulating and enabling her, she's going to have to hit _pretty_ rock bottom before she does that."

Voight slowly nodded, "I know, that's the hard part to live with."

Trudy shook her head and told him, "I'm sorry, Hank."

"I know, so am I," he replied. Taking a step back towards the lockers, Voight kicked another one, and went off on a small tirade like he was the only person in the room, "I take her in when she's 16, I treat her like she's one of my own, I raise her because God knows her own _mother_ sure as hell never did, I do everything for her that I can, I make sure she gets into the best school available, I helped her get her ass straightened out, I watched her earn a place in this House, I've _always_ been there for her if she ever needed me…" as if just noticing Trudy was in the room for the first time, he moved towards her and told her, "I would give my _life_ for Erin, and _this_ is how it all ends."

He put on a good show of being able to resist all temptation to beat the shit out of Bunny and haul Erin's ass away from her sociopathic whore hound excuse of a mother, but Trudy knew Voight well enough to know he wanted nothing other than to do _just_ that, even though he did know full well it wouldn't actually solve anything… _maybe_. Voight was always the action man with the plan, he always knew how to handle people be it the violent scum of the city, the higher brass, dirty cops, anybody, everybody, but now he was in a position where he couldn't do _anything_ , and Trudy knew that just had to be killing him, _especially_ given it concerned someone he cared _so_ much about.

"What're you going to tell the others?" Trudy asked, knowing full well eventually _everybody_ was going to wonder where Lindsay was.

Voight shook his head, "Nothing for now, I'll tell them she's taking a day off if anyone asks."

Trudy just nodded.

* * *

End of the shift. Couldn't come soon enough where Voight was concerned. Everybody else was getting ready to head to Molly's for a round of drinks, Voight had no intention of joining them. He needed a good _stiff_ drink and he decided to do it in the privacy of his own home where he didn't have to see anyone, he didn't have to talk to anyone, and he didn't have to explain anything to anybody. He put on his jacket and walked past the front desk and called to Trudy, "I'll see you tomorrow, Trudy, I'm heading home."

"Hank?" the desk sergeant's voice called to him questioningly.

Voight stopped and turned on his heel and looked back at her to see what it was she wanted.

Trudy looked like she wasn't even sure about saying what she was about to say, but she finally asked him, "You want some company?"

Voight thought about it for about two seconds and flatly remarked, "Sure, why not?"

Trudy grabbed her jacket and followed him out of the station. She got in her car and followed Hank back to his house. They went in, turned on the lights, and Voight poured them each a glass full of the strongest booze he kept in the house, and they both collapsed on the couch while they drank it.

"So," Trudy said after a long and, to her anyway, awkward silence, "How're you holding up?"

Voight just stared straight ahead at nothing in particular and answered automatically, "Fine", not sounding his usual convincing self, even though truth be told that was seldom ever convincing either. When you worked with Voight for as long as Trudy had, you knew the real 'fine's from the cover 'fines' that were just said to end any potential questions about a situation. Nobody else really seemed to catch onto that yet, anybody else, if Voight said 'fine', they let it go at that.

Trudy chose her next words carefully, she knew they were a two-edged sword that could be used for Voight to bite her head off. "Hear anything out of Erin?"

Voight shook his head, "Nope."

Trudy just slowly nodded.

"Hank," she told him, "No matter _what_ Bunny tries to make up, you _were_ the one who raised Erin, _you_ were her parent, nobody can ever say otherwise…sooner or later Erin's going to have to admit it."

In this rare instance, in the privacy of his own home, in the company of only his desk sergeant whom he had known and worked with for many years, Voight looked half glum and half sheepish as he responded, "Thanks, Trudy." Somehow it seemed in this moment that even a self assured man about everything as Voight always was, even _he_ needed to be reassured once in a while.

Voight was not in a talkative mood that night, and Trudy respected that. When they finished one drink, he got up and poured them another, then thought better of it and came back with the whole bottle. Trudy only had a couple of drinks, but she watched Voight and guessed before the night was over, the bottle was going to be empty. In a way it was a bit ironic and Trudy could appreciate that, Bunny was twisting Erin's own emotions against her to make her more dependent on booze and drugs to get her right where she wanted her, and the effect it was having on Voight had him reaching for the bottle to dull the pain as well. The difference was Hank was not and had never been addicted to it, it wasn't a crutch to him, he _could_ take it or leave it, and Trudy knew he was professional enough to leave it at home, on the job he was all professional, all business, he would _never_ compromise himself _or_ his house, no matter what he was going through in his own life.

* * *

Voight's head was swimming. He'd gone to bed after drinking most of the whiskey, but he couldn't sleep. He just lay in bed somewhere between the states of awake and asleep for the longest time. Then when he finally _did_ fall asleep, instead of a dream his mind started flashing back to when Erin was a teenager and she first came to live with them. It had been an adjustment for everyone but at the time he'd sure thought it had been worth it because over time he could _see_ the change occurring in Erin that she was finally breaking away from her old habits and moving forward with her life and making something of herself.

His mind reamed back to when he pulled the strings to get Erin accepted into St. Ignatius, and he had to spell it out for her that her ass would be _out_ if she got into a single fight or so much as threw _one_ punch at somebody. For a street kid, especially a street kid going to school with a bunch of snobby rich bitches and they found out she _was_ a street kid, you might as well tell her to 'don't breathe', but he knew Erin could do it, despite how hard he knew it was for her, and she _did_ do it. She'd _always_ been able to beat the odds, but _now_ …

Voight thought he heard something and he woke up and looked around the dark bedroom, and saw there was nothing. Just a dream. He flopped back against the pillow and grumbled, then said to the other side of the bed, "Camille, I don't know what we're going to do with that girl…" he turned on his side, "Camille?"

The lamp on the nightstand snapped on and reality came crashing down that it was several years later than Voight remembered it being, and occupying the other side of the bed was Trudy Platt, still in her work clothes, her police jacket included.

"Trudy," he sat up and rubbed his eyes and tried to clear his mind, "I'm sorry."

She just nodded slightly and replied, "It's okay, Hank."

She knew it shouldn't, but what just occurred gave her some hope that maybe it was just _normal_ to never fully accept that a loved one was gone, no matter _what_ it was that took them out of the world. Realistically she knew that sooner or later the day would come when she _didn't_ reach to buzz Nadia upstairs, but for now she couldn't begin to think _when_ that might be. She could see the stone on the wall, she could look around and notice there was a face missing from the crowd, but she still hadn't fully been able to come to terms with the fact that Nadia was never coming back. There were still times it felt unreal, like maybe she'd just taken a few days off, maybe she was off on vacation and would be back the next week, but then reality always came crashing down on her. And if what just happened here was any indicator, then it was possible a few years from now she would _still_ look up and expect to see her coming downstairs.

Voight wouldn't admit it, but he was embarrassed because he couldn't remember what happened or _how_ the two of them wound up in his bed. That was when he looked down and saw that he was still dressed too, the only thing missing was his shoes, and he looked over and realized the same was true for Trudy.

"Trudy, help me out here," he said hesitantly, "What's going on?"

His desk sergeant explained, "We decided it might be better if I stay here with you for the night."

Voight tried to think back to that decision, and he couldn't, so he asked her bluntly, " _Why_?"

Trudy shrugged he shoulders, "I don't remember…" she looked over at the clock and told him, "It's going on 2 in the morning and I'm tired, let's just go back to sleep and we can figure it out in the morning."

Voight grumbled something under his breath and finally nodded in agreement. And then his phone rang.

"You know," Trudy said, refusing to move from her side of the bed, "There's no law that says you _have_ to answer that."

"Except my _own_ ," Voight told her.

She shrugged, "Yeah, except that one."

Voight reached over and picked up his phone, focused his tired eyes on the screen to see who was calling, and did something akin to a double take.

"Who is it?" Trudy asked.

Instead of answering her, Voight put the phone to his ear and said simply, "Yeah? …where are you? …Okay…we'll be right down." He ended the call and told Trudy, "Get your shoes on," and he all but jumped out of the bed.

"What happened?" Trudy asked as she got up.


	2. Chapter 2

Hank and Trudy got out of his car and marched up to the front door of the bar, finding it was ajar and the lights were on inside, even though the bar had been closed for the night.

"Erin!" Voight called out as soon as he put one foot in the door, and looked around the place.

Trudy came in behind him and headed over to the bar and looked down behind it, "Hank, over here!"

Voight came running and slid across the bar counter and saw what they were looking for. Bunny's body lay sprawled out on the bar floor, her face a mess of bruises, as were her hands when they were turned over, and her knuckles were bloodied. And slumped against the bar in a daze was Erin, eyes wide but not focused, her lip split, a cut over one eye, blood trailing down one cheek, her hair wild, her clothes a mess, all reactions delayed as she seemed to be in a state of shock. Her phone rested on the floor a couple feet away from her, where it must've remained since she called Voight.

"Erin," Voight got down on his knee and put his hands on her to turn her towards the light and get a better look at her to assess the damage.

"Hank," she said in a voice so quiet he almost didn't hear it. She blinked, and then her whole body started shaking.

Voight put his arms around the woman he'd come to regard as his daughter, and held her close and also felt that her skin was freezing, she must've been on the floor for a while.

Trudy knelt down by Bunny's body and grabbed her wrist, with a look of almost disgust she told Voight, "She's still alive."

Voight felt Erin's body trembling against him as a bunch of small broken sounds started emerging from her throat.

"What happened?" he asked her, worried about what they might find.

"I…I did it," Erin told him, "I hit her."

"Impressive work," Trudy commented half under her breath.

Erin slowly found her voice again and pulled away from Voight and tried to explain what had happened to the two sergeants, "She…she was closing up the place for the night…and we were talking…"

"What happened, Erin?" Voight asked her, all the anger and frustration he'd been nursing all day suddenly gone, his voice now filled only with concern for the young woman.

Erin turned to him and told him shakily, "She…told me…'get…my…cigarettes'," and she pointed over to where a half open pack lay on the counter, "And…something just… _snapped_." Erin swallowed hard as she recalled, "I…started hitting her, and then…I couldn't stop."

"Did she hit you back?" Trudy asked Erin.

Erin turned to the desk sergeant and slowly nodded in confirmation. "A f, a few times." She turned to Voight and told him, "I used to buy her drugs for her, she puked on me and I let everyone think _I_ was the junkie, I saved her life and she just told me 'get my cigarettes'…but I _never_ hit her before…I don't know what happened."

"Little streak of common sense would be my guess," Trudy commented.

A soft moan escaped Bunny and she started to move.

"Damn," Trudy grumbled.

Voight helped Erin get to her feet, and they watched as Bunny started to come around and saw them standing over her, and she got to her feet.

"You…what the hell are you doing here?" she wanted to know.

Voight stared down the thing that called herself a woman and a mother and answered plainly, "I'm taking Erin home."

"The hell you are," Bunny told him, as if she had any authority over him, and she pointed to the bruises on her face, "Do you see what this ungrateful bitch did to me? I want her arrested!"

"I don't see anything wrong here," Trudy told Bunny, "Not on Erin's part anyway."

Bunny tried staring Trudy down and said to her, "Who the hell are you?"

Trudy returned the death stare and told Bunny as she suddenly grabbed her by the neck, "The woman who has half a mind to _choke_ you _unconscious_ ," then let go of Bunny's neck and bitch slapped her and knocked her down again. "Now get up, you're under arrest."

Bunny's eyes widened, " _I'm_ under arrest?"

"Yep," Trudy grabbed her by the arm and jerked her up and took out her handcuffs, "Assaulting a police officer, disturbing the peace…"

"Get your hands off of me!" Bunny screamed as she flailed around.

"Assaulting _two_ officers," Trudy amended her statement as she tightened the cuffs behind Bunny's back, "Resisting arrest."

"You can't do this to me!" Bunny screamed at them as she still tried to resist, " _I'm_ the victim here."

"You're the problem," Voight told her flatly.

" _You_ did this, Hank!" Bunny yelled at him as she tried to charge him but Trudy restrained her, "You turned my own daughter against me! We didn't have _any_ problems until _you_ came along!"

"Tell yourself that," Voight replied, "Maybe someday you'll actually believe it."

"And _you_!" Bunny turned to Erin, who couldn't bring herself to make eye contact with her mother, "You ungrateful little _bitch_! I did everything for you, I brought you back into my _home_ , I've taken care of you! And _this_ is how you repay me?"

Erin shook her head slowly. Then she finally forced herself to stare her mother down, and she told Bunny, "You _never_ took care of me. _I_ took care of _you_ , _I_ revived you when you OD'd, _I_ got your drugs for you, _I_ took the blame when you puked your booze and drugs all over me and everyone thought _I_ was on them. You were _never_ there for me."

The look on Bunny's face couldn't have looked anymore shocked had Erin walked over to her mother and slapped her.

"Game's over, Bunny," Voight told her, nodding towards Erin, "You lost your pawn."

Erin glared at her mother and said accusingly, "You _never_ cared if I was alright, you didn't _want_ me to be alright, you _used_ Nadia's death against me because you wanted me hooked on that junk so I'd stay here with you, and why? Just so you could show up Hank and pretend you're some great mother, pretend that you _ever_ cared about me."

"I _was_ a great mother!" Bunny screamed at her as Trudy marched her out of the bar, "You were the spawn of hell! I regret the day I _ever_ gave birth to you!"

Erin was unfazed, she looked at her mother and said simply, "You're not my mother, you _never_ were."

And still this proved an even more earth shattering revelation to Bunny than anything before it. Despite being cuffed and walked out of the bar, she tried charging at Erin and screamed at her at the top of her lungs, "You think going back to him changes anything? You're _always_ going to be what you are, Erin, you are _always_ going to be _my_ flesh and blood, _I'm_ you're family! Not _him_!" Trudy shoved Bunny out the door but her screams carried through the night air, "You'll _never_ get away from me!"

Erin held it together _just_ long enough for Trudy to haul her mother out, then she slumped forward and started shaking and started to cry. Voight came up to her and put his arms around her and held her tight against him and he told her, "Take it easy."

Instead, Erin just became hysterical and any words she tried to say came out in short, choked sobs, she had to force breaths into her body just to make the syllables stick together. It didn't matter, she didn't _have_ to say anything, Voight could tell what was racing through her mind right now. He held her tighter and lightly kissed her on her forehead. It was hard to watch something happen to someone you love and know there wasn't anything you could do about it, he'd already had a lot of experience in that regard. It was also hard watching somebody that you knew needed to be protected from the worst possible influence in their lives, and having to acknowledge they were an adult and had to make their own choices for better or worse. _Now_ that that was exactly what had unfolded, _now_ it was his job to step back in and do damage control, _another_ job he had plenty of experience in over the years.

"Hank, I am _so_ sorry," Erin tearfully confessed, "For everything."

He rested his chin on the top of her head and rubbed her back and told her, "It's alright, Erin, calm down."

"I shouldn't have called you but when she stopped moving, I didn't know what to do," she told him, "I'd never hurt her before, I never thought I could."

Hank resisted saying what he most wanted to right now; that he was _glad_ she could, that he was _proud_ of her that she did. It wasn't the PC answer but anybody whose own mother put them through a hell like Bunny did, that person deserved every right to beat the shit out of that so called 'mother', and he thought this might open the doorway to a true recovery for Lindsay to work through her grief.

"I was hoping you'd call," he told her, and she looked up at him in surprise at that, he added, "I just didn't know it'd be for _this_."

"I still don't know what happened," Erin admitted, "We were getting along pretty well…or, at least we weren't fighting…and when she said that to me…it was like…"

"Nothing changed," Voight said.

Erin nodded hesitantly, "It was like I was a teenager again trying to save her life and she didn't give a damn. I just lost it."

Voight met her gaze and assured her, "It's going to be alright, Erin. Come on, let's get out of here."

"Where?" she asked him suspiciously.

He looked at her and answered without missing a beat, "Home."

It was obvious by looking at Erin that this was a puzzle to her.

"I think," Voight told her as he put one arm around her and forced her to start walking towards the door, "Now that you don't have _that_ thing trying to influence you, that things are going to be _just_ fine."

"I still turned in my badge," she reminded him.

"And it's still waiting for you," Hank said to her, "Nobody knows about what happened this morning, nobody needs to, come Monday you'll be back at work and nobody will be the wiser. That ought to be long enough to get you sobered up again, and I expect you to _stay_ that way this time."

Erin nodded and leaned against him, "I'm sorry, Hank, I know I let you down." She thought back to that morning and the things she'd said to him and the way she acted, and all she wanted to do was crawl under a rock.

"Everybody slips," Voight responded simply, he looked at her and told her, "It happens, but it better _not_ happen again, got it?"

She nodded, "Got it."

"Good," he told her, then added, "I love you, Erin."

"I know," she murmured, then she responded, "I love you too, Hank, thanks for coming."

"Erin," he said to her, "There are damn few things I would _not_ do to help you, you _know_ that."

She hung her head and answered, "I _do_ ," and in a quieter, ashamed voice she added, "Kind of got easy to forget for a while."

"It's easy when you've got someone clouding your judgment for you," he told her.

Just as they left the bar, Trudy came up to them and told Voight, "I called in a couple of the patrolmen to pick Bunny up, we're _not_ all going back in one car."

"Where is she?" Voight asked.

"Don't worry, Hank, I took care of that for the time being," Trudy said, and pointed down the block.

Voight and Lindsay peered down to the corner and saw that Trudy had handcuffed Bunny to a parking meter, and the drunk woman was gradually wearing down after screaming her head off the whole time they'd been out there.

"Trudy, you never cease to amuse me," Voight confided in his desk sergeant.

Erin folded her arms tight against herself out in the cold and she asked them, "What's going to happen to her now?"

"Well," Trudy said, "Assault and battery, assaulting a police officer, resisting arrest, disturbing the peace and public nuisance, I'm sure it'll all warrant a few days in jail for her."

Erin looked at the woman she couldn't even recognize anymore and nodded and responded, "Good, I think right now a set of bars between us is a good thing."

Voight put an arm around her and told her, "Come on, Erin, we're going home." On their way to the car, he stopped and looked at Bunny and told her, "Checkmate, _you_ lose." He figured that would give her a nice burn to bitch and moan about all the way to the station.

* * *

When they returned to Voight's home, Erin had a cup of strong black coffee, then threw up a couple of times, then got in the shower and stayed there for the better part of half an hour. While she was, Trudy came back and filled Voight in on the details of Bunny's arrest, and put the teakettle on.

"Hey Hank," Trudy said as she dug through the cupboard and pulled out a box of tea bags, "You up for a little intervention?"

He looked at his desk sergeant questioningly and asked her, "What'd you have in mind?"

"Well," Trudy said, "A lot of stuff's already come out in the open…maybe it's time we push things a little further. Maybe if we tag team on Erin she'll finally move forward to a breakthrough."

Voight thought about the woman he saw in the bar that morning clinging to her beer bottle, and symbolically clinging to her 'mother' because she thought she couldn't do any better given her track record. He _never_ wanted to see that again in Lindsay.

"After everything that's gone on around here, I'm up for about anything," he told her, then saw what she was doing and added, "I don't think Erin's going to want any tea when she gets out, she already had some coffee and couldn't keep that down."

"Tea is therapeutic, especially this kind," Trudy said as she ducked down and opened the liquor cabinet. She popped back up with a bottle of brandy and raised a finger to her lips and told Voight, "My grandfather used to say that a drop was as therapeutic for the soul as it is for the heart, the trick was always never to use more than a drop."

"I think I would've liked to meet your grandfather," Voight said to Trudy.

"You still might," she answered as she poured a dab in each of the cups, "He's 102 years old and still kicking like a mule."

Voight chuckled.

"So," he said as Trudy poured the boiling water into the cups and let the tea bags seep, "How do you think we should do this?"

"Didn't you say when you had to work with the SVU cops from New York, you and that…Sergeant Benson, played a couple of concerned parents to get information out of a girl about Erin's brother Teddy?"

"Yeah," Voight answered.

Trudy raised her eyebrows in a hinting manner, "Well…"

* * *

Lindsay, changed out of her clothes and into a spare pair of Voight's sweats and an old T-shirt, fell back against the couch and drained the last drop out of her tea. Voight and Trudy sat across from her in two of the chairs in the living room.

"We need to talk, Erin," Voight told her.

She looked like she was expecting this, and she hesitantly asked, "What about?"

"What Bunny did was detestable," Trudy said, "No person should _ever_ use another person's grief against them to manipulate them." She paused and added in a slightly softer tone, "But you shouldn't use it against yourself either."

Lindsay did a double take and looked back and forth at both of them, "What do you mean?"

"I understand how the grieving process works, I know it can drive some people back to habits they left for dead 20 years ago, I know how tempting it is to give in so maybe the pain can go away," Voight told Erin, "And I know you haven't fully come to terms with Nadia's death yet."

"I couldn't come _more_ to terms with her _murder_ if I tried," Erin deflected.

"Erin," Trudy tried a softer approach and told her, "I think some of the behavior you've been exhibiting lately is an extension of survivor's guilt."

Now Lindsay looked completely lost. "What do you mean survivor's guilt?"

"Before Yates kidnapped Nadia, we didn't know _who_ he might target, but for a while we all suspected it was _you_ he was after," Voight explained.

Trudy took that cue to mention, "I think even _you_ suspected he was targeting you for his next victim. He called _you_ , he demanded to see _you_ alone, everybody went to cover _you_ incase he tried anything, it was all very convenient, it all tied back to you. Do you think somewhere in the back of your mind, you wonder why it _wasn't_ you? Why Nadia and not you?"

Erin tried to deny everything but it was obvious getting into this territory was already having an effect on her and it became harder for her to talk about it.

"You somehow think it was _your_ fault what happened to her," Trudy said, by now she wasn't even asking, "Even though I told you _nobody_ blamed you for what he did…I think you still blame yourself."

Erin didn't answer, and shifted her gaze towards the floor and started to draw into herself.

"Erin, do you know what the statistics are on serial killers?" Voight asked, and when she didn't respond, he told her, "The experts who spend their lives categorizing all this stuff estimate that at any given time there are 200 serial killers roaming the streets. Some of them can get away with it for over 10 years before anybody even _knows_ it's a serial killer and _know_ to look for them. Are they _all_ walking around free because somebody else is at fault? Somebody else screwed up? Somebody wasn't doing their job right?"

"I don't know," Erin said quietly.

"Erin," Trudy got the young woman's attention and said to her, "You know there was a whole station full of people who didn't think anything was going to happen to Nadia." She pointed to Voight, "Is it Hank's fault what happened to her?"

"No!" Erin looked to them and answered without missing a beat, "Oh God, no."

"Alright, is it Halstead's fault?" Trudy asked.

"No," Erin shook her head.

"Is it Atwater's?" Trudy tried again.

"No."

"What about Roman or Burgess? Is it Antonio's fault that Yates got Nadia?"

"No."

"Alright," Trudy said, "So why is it _your_ fault?"

For a moment Erin didn't know what to say in answer. Then finally she told them, "Because I'm the one who _got_ her killed."

Voight opened his mouth to say something but Trudy gave a small gesture to let her take it, and she said to Erin, "If you could have _known_ what Yates was planning to do that night, what would you have done?"

Erin looked at Trudy and answered, "I would've stopped Nadia from going out, I never would've let her out of my sight."

"If you _had_ known, but you didn't, you _couldn't_ ," Trudy said, "You didn't _get_ her killed, it just unfortunately happened because that's how people like Yates work and how they strike. Now, I want to ask you a question. If it hadn't been your birthday, and Nadia hadn't been going out to get things ready for your surprise party, if she'd _just_ gone home that night and Yates followed her there and attacked her, would _that_ have been your fault?"

Erin pursed her lips together and didn't answer.

"I think that's why you blame yourself for what happened," Trudy told her, "Because she left the house to get things ready to surprise _you_ , because she was trying to do something nice for _you_. But that doesn't make it your fault. Yates could've stalked her and followed her anywhere, back to her apartment, to a gas station, to the grocery store, it's not your fault what happened anymore than it is the rest of us for not holding Nadia hostage in the station because one lunatic in a city full of violent thugs and bastards _might_ have their sights set on her. If we could predict _who_ would be a next target, there would be a lot _less_ murders in this city, but unfortunately we can't, and that means a lot of people die who don't _need_ to. But there's nothing we can do about it or we _would_."

There was a crack in the barrier now, a tear rolled down from one eye, then it was joined by another, and another, and then the other eye, and then Erin doubled over sobbing. Voight was out of his chair and went down on one knee so he was close to her current height and could look her in the eyes. He put an arm around her and pulled her to him as she continued to cry for the woman she'd tried to be friend and mentor to, and felt that she'd failed in both horribly. A body wracking breath forced its way into Erin's body and she sounded like somebody drowning, she clung to Voight like a lifeline and buried one side of her face in his shoulder. It should've made her jump out of her skin to feel a second set of hands on her, Trudy had moved over towards them without making a sound, but Erin was so lost in her grief that she paid little attention to anything going on around her.

"It's alright, Erin," Trudy tried to assure the young detective as she simultaneously rubbed Erin's back and stroked the back of her head. She could understand only too well the loss Lindsay was feeling, Nadia was one thing they both had in common, that they _all_ had in common, and they all shared the weight of losing her. Trudy looked at Hank and could tell he was thinking the same thing. The only sound between them were the muffled sobs of Erin's pressed against Voight's shirt. Trudy continued to rub her back consolingly and told her again, "It's alright, Erin, it's all _over_ now."

A/N: One chapter left!


	3. Chapter 3

"Hey, Nadia," Erin said in a low voice as she traced her fingers over the edge of the memorial stone on the wall outside the station. It was Monday morning and she'd come to work with the full intent of doing her job right for the first time in a while, but first she felt she had to pay a visit to her friend. For some reason she thought it would be more appropriate _here_ than at Nadia's actual gravesite. Erin had been to enough funerals and enough cemeteries to know that if any part of a loved one remained after death, it was not _there_ in the tomb, it was somewhere else…for Nadia, maybe it was right here.

It was early in the morning and there wasn't anyone else coming just yet, so Erin decided it would be a perfect opportunity to say what she needed to say. She looked at the stone and finally said to it, "I'm so sorry that I wasn't there for you when you needed me. I'm sorry that I wasn't a better friend to you than I was. I'm sorry if I pushed your decision to be a cop, and maybe it wasn't _really_ what you wanted to do, but just a way you could be more like me…like I probably became a cop to be like Hank…it was always something I wanted to do once I started living with him, if it hadn't been for him taking me in," she shook her head, "I don't know _where_ I'd be…I know I wouldn't have become a cop…but he never forced it on me…and I'm sorry if I ever did you." There was a larger lump in her throat now as she summed it up, "I'm sorry about everything, I wish things were different now, I wish you were still here."

She really thought she'd be able to come here and do this, and now she was starting to rethink that. The emotions, the memories, it was all becoming too much for her. She pressed a hand against the stone to balance herself and keep from falling. Her eyes welled up with tears and for a moment, she started to think she wouldn't be able to go through with another day on the job, _knowing_ that Nadia wouldn't be there.

Lindsay felt a strong hand on her shoulder, she turned and saw it was Hank.

"Nadia wanted to be a cop because it was what _she_ wanted to do with her life, _just_ like you did," he told her, "Don't _ever_ feel guilty about trying to give somebody a better life, you wouldn't like the alternative."

Erin sniffed and wiped the tears off her face with the back of her hand.

"You okay?" Voight asked her.

"Yeah," she answered, a bit shakily, but Voight knew she'd be able to make it.

"Come on," he said.

* * *

"Hey!" Bunny called out to the patrolmen who passed by her holding cell, "Hey! I want a lawyer! You hear me? I want a lawyer!"

But they passed by and acted like they didn't hear her. She'd been doing this for most of the weekend and she still hadn't run out of steam yet. Now that it was Monday again, the regulars were clocking back in, so there were a lot of familiar faces passing by, but that didn't seem to count for anything.

"Hey!" she tried again, "I want a lawyer!"

"Yeah and people in hell want ice water," Antonio commented dismissively as he walked by.

"I have been in here for _two_ days!" Bunny said, "I _know_ my rights."

"You could read me _my_ rights," Olinsky told her as he passed the cell and headed down the other corridor.

"Hey!" Bunny pressed herself against the bars and called out, "You can't hold someone this long without charging them, and I've been demanding a lawyer for two days and never got one, I've been violated!"

" _Many_ times," Trudy sneered as she passed by, "You just _now_ figured that out?"

"As soon as I get out of here, I'm going to sue the whole department, I'm going to sue the whole city," Bunny threatened.

Something hit the bars and made a deafening noise and made Bunny's hands vibrate. She stepped back and saw that what caused it was Halstead hitting the bars with a baton he'd borrowed from a patrolman.

"You want to shut up?" he asked her in a low but borderline threatening tone.

"What I _want_ is to be let out of here, I've broken no laws," she insisted.

"Ha, yeah I really believe that," he replied as he walked away.

"You can't do this to me!" Bunny yelled after him as she threw herself against the bars again, "I have rights!"

The next face to appear on the other side of the bars was the last one she expected to see.

"Erin!"

Lindsay stood a few inches away from the cell door and stared in at her mother, the expression on her face one almost completely blank.

"Erin, you've got to get me out of here," Bunny told her daughter, "You wouldn't believe what I've been through the past two days."

Erin looked at her mother for a minute, then leaned in closer and said to her in a low tone, "When you get out of here, I don't want to _ever_ see you again; no more favors, no more playing nice for your boyfriend, don't even say my name."

Bunny's jaw dropped.

"Erin, what're you…"

Erin put a hand up in a dismissive gesture and walked away.

"Erin, you can't do this to me, I'm your _mother_ ," she called to her daughter, "I'm the only family that was ever there for you."

Erin stopped, turned on her heel, walked back and told Bunny, " _You_ are not my family…Hank and Camille Voight were my family, and Hank has been my parent for the past 14 years, where the _hell_ were you?" And with that, she turned and walked away again.

And once Erin was gone, up came Hank, who unlocked the cell and told her, "Sorry, Bunny, seems there was a little mix up, you're free to go now."

"Hank Voight you bastard," Bunny hissed at him, "You turned my own daughter against me."

"I didn't need to help there," Voight replied, "You work well enough alone at that. Now, incase you missed something, Erin is good and sober now, and she's going to _stay_ that way, she doesn't need you or any other crutch you can provide, now get the hell out and leave her the hell alone."

"Or what?" Bunny asked, getting in his face, "You going to knock me around like you're always doing to perps?"

"I wouldn't have to resort to that," he answered, then grabbed her and forcefully walked her over to the supply closet.

The closet was dark and Bunny couldn't see anything, but she wasn't apprehensive about it.

"So now what, Hank?" she asked cynically, "The rubber hose? Water boarding? Oh don't tell me, I'm going to commit suicide in here and hang myself by the ceiling."

"That wouldn't lose me any sleep," she heard Voight's deep voice respond in the dark, "But I had something else in mind."

And to demonstrate, Bunny felt a large foot in a hard boot kick her square in the ass.

"OUCH!"

And again.

"YEOCH!"

"Now I don't usually make a habit out of beating the crap out of women," Voight told Bunny, and out of nowhere put her in a headlock, "And I've maintained that general rule up till now with you, but after that last stunt you pulled with Erin I'm making an exception. And if you _ever_ come near Erin again and I find out, I'm making another exception and I'm going to give you a first hand tour in what happens to people who fuck with the wrong cop who has the power to make people _disappear_ off the face of this planet."

He let go of Bunny and she fell forward and hit a wall, she turned back and called out into the darkness, "You're crazy!"

"Oh you bet your ass I am," Voight told her, "Unlike you, there is _nothing_ that I wouldn't do for Erin. That includes exterminating the number one obstacle in her life because it poses a threat to her wellbeing. _Now_ ," he warned her, "Get out of my House, get out of my sight, and _don't_ come back!"

Even in the dark, Voight was able to grab Bunny and shove her up against the door, she found the knob and pulled the door open and ran out.

"Thank you for coming," Voight dryly commented as he stepped out of the closet and watched Bunny proceed to the exit.

Trudy caught a glimpse of Bunny leaving and called after her, "Don't forget to _not_ write." She turned and saw Voight heading towards her and asked him, "Well, how'd it go?"

"Well," Voight told her, "If she's smart at _all_ , she'll do what she's told for _once_."

"If not, we'll be ready for her," Trudy responded with a knowing smirk.

Erin came down the stairs just in time to completely miss the fireworks, and joined the two of them at the front desk and told them, "Thanks, you guys, I really appreciate everything you did for me."

"Oh it was nothing," Trudy said dismissively, then glimpsed at Erin and told her, "By the way, looking good, Detective, you look ready to kick ass and take names again."

Erin laughed and answered, "Yeah, I guess so."

"Welcome back," Voight said, and subtly slipped her her badge.

"Thanks," she said, "I was wondering how I'd explain that."

"Erin," Trudy said to the younger woman, "Everybody in this house has got your back, you know that, don't you?"

"Yeah, I guess I do," Lindsay responded, she looked back at Voight and added, "It's a good thing to know."

"Come on, kid, let's get to work," Voight told her.

Trudy watched them head upstairs to Intelligence, and once they were gone she murmured under her breath, "Kid, you have _no_ idea how much we got your back." She'd put the word out to everyone else in the department to ignore Bunny's antics, after all if nobody 'heard' her ask for a lawyer, nobody could be expected or obligated to get her one, add to the fact that her arrest wasn't exactly a done deal and was _never_ going to go before a judge. Everybody had been willing to go along with it because even though they hadn't been given the full details of what happened with Erin, everybody knew that Bunny had used Nadia's death to manipulate her, and that pain was still fresh for _everyone_ so of course they were all only too willing to go along with it to keep the bitch out of Erin's life and give the detective time to straighten things out for herself. And now that that ordeal was over, maybe things could finally _start_ getting semi-back to normal for them.

* * *

That night, Erin had gone back to Voight's place to stay with him for a few days, right now she needed something familiar and safe, and he was it. In the middle of the night, she slipped out of the bed in Justin's old room and quietly padded down the stairs, watching every single step as she remembered only too well, careful to make sure none of them squeaked and woke up Hank. Sleepers didn't come any lighter than that man.

The lights flipped on and Voight called to her from the couch, "Trying to sneak out?"

"Geez, Hank!" Erin grabbed her chest, "You about gave me a heart attack. I thought you were in your room."

"My house," Voight told her, "If I want to sleep on the couch that's my damn right." And apparently he had intentionally planned to stay there for the night because he had his shotgun conveniently propped up against the side and well within his reach.

"So what're you doing up?" Voight asked her.

Recovering from her initial shock, Erin answered as she padded into the living room, "I just came down to get a drink."

"I think there's something we need to talk about," he told her. He sat up and pulled the blanket with him and cleared a spot for her to sit down.

"So," Lindsay said as she made her way over to the couch, feeling like she was 16 years old again and about to get her ass chewed out, "Are you still mad at me?"

"I wasn't mad, I was worried about you," Voight told her, "I know the influence someone like your mother can have on people, I could see what she was doing to you," he shook his head, "You don't wish _that_ on anyone you care about."

"So I'm finding out," Erin said quietly.

"I know it's an unwritten rule that no matter how terrible a parent is, that it's supposed to still be better to have them around than no parent," Voight shook his head, "It's an unwritten rule as old as time, and it's _wrong_."

"Well, I wouldn't exactly say _no_ parent," Lindsay said, and she looked at Hank, "I still had _you_."

That brought a _small_ smile to Voight's face, he remarked, "I tried."

"Seems you did a _lot_ more than just _tried_ ," Erin told him, "You guys gave me the first dose of stability and the first functional family I ever knew. Thank you."

"Anytime."

* * *

Erin fell asleep sitting on the couch with Voight, and gradually slumped against him. Voight had no intention of swapping the couch for his bed upstairs, and he also had a feeling if he tried moving Lindsay, it'd just wake her up, so he repositioned both of them that possibly they could sleep through the night laid out on the couch and not have to deal with anything else. Working around Erin, he laid back down on the couch cushions and pulled her down so she laid on top of him and turned on her side, then he grabbed the covers and draped them over both of them. It seemed a safe bet that Erin wasn't going to wake up until morning for _anything_.

As for Voight, he'd decided to sleep on the couch to possibly avoid a repeat of the other night. Remembering Camille was easy, it was the nights he woke up and _forgot_ he was on his own now that just about did him in. He'd always planned that he and his wife would be together until they were about 100, or he went out on one wrong call too many that didn't end well, whichever came first. He _never_ so much as considered the possibility that she might be the first to die. Before it happened, they'd had a lot of discussions about Justin and Erin.

Voight had done what he could, but there were still times he thought it would've been easier to reach out to Erin if there had been a woman around she could relate to. He figured that had been _part_ of why Bunny had been able to lure Erin in; it was also why he had been thankful Trudy had been with him that night and had come back with him to talk to Erin. Lindsay and Trudy didn't know each other particularly well, they did not socialize with one another, Trudy was the desk sergeant and Lindsay was the detective, that was just one of the reasons why Trudy seemed an unlikely source for Erin to open up to even though they did share the common factor of Nadia. For the most part, Voight was good and he did what he knew how, but there were some things it was just easier to have a woman help with, especially when it involved another woman, more specifically, a younger woman with serious mother issues.

He looked at the sleeping woman whose head was resting on his chest, and it still amazed Voight to see the vast difference in Erin now and a few days ago. She'd come into this world with the deck largely stacked against her, but if _anybody_ could beat the odds...

Hank smiled to himself, and thought to himself, _Camille, I think this girl's going to turn out to be_ _just_ _fine after all._ In a few minutes, he also fell asleep, content with the fact that right now, things finally seemed to be working out _in_ their favor. It was about damn time.

The End


End file.
